Up the "Creek" - S1e02, Everybody Loves A Little Softcore Porn
Welcome to Up the Creek, y’all! In honor of the 15th anniversary of Dawson’s Creek – which premiered on Jan. 20, 1998, and which filmed here in Wilmington – we’re revisiting season one, one episode at a time. I’m Kate Elizabeth Queram, the StarNews environment reporter/former weather blogger, which obviously makes me perfectly suited to be your guide here (I totally bet that creek has water quality issues). I’ve never watched the show – though I think I tuned in for the very last episode SO I DO KNOW WHO JOEY ENDS UP WITH OMG – so please join me as I see the first season for the first time. New posts will go up every Friday. Legal parameters force me to say that all screencaps, and the teenage angst contained therein, are the property of Sony Television. Let’s hit the creek.
Episode 2 (real title: "Dance") opens with the sad realization that Dawson's swamp-thing movie is still happening. The script calls for Joey to kiss Pacey but she totally doesn't want to do it, I guess because she doesn't know that he was in all three Mighty Ducks movies. Dawson says, "Do it for me?" which is way manipulative and gross. She says, "Why can't you just kiss him?" which is dumb since Dawson isn't even in the movie, and Dawson says, "My lips are reserved for someone else." Joey tells him he better hurry up with that because Jen's from the big city, yo, and things happen fast there. Dawson reminds Joey that Jen is a virgin. It turns out the mask he’s been painting is a fake Joey head, which is frankly a pretty good likeness.
The next day at school the PA system casually informs us that there is A Big Dance on Friday to Celebrate Our Victory At The Big Game! (I feel once again compelled to point out that no one talks like this in real-life high school.) After this exciting pronouncement, Dawson comes to harass Mel Silver again. He says that Mel was right not to let him into the film class, but by the way he's got study hall fifth period and the library is too crowded and he talked to another teacher who said it was fine for Dawson to spend fifth period with Mel Silver, and that just happens to be when film class is held. Why Dawson is such a special snowflake that he can't find a different library corner to hang out in is beyond me, but for some godforsaken reason Mel Silver OKs this crackpot of a plan, so now Dawson will get to hang out in class, but is strictly forbidden to participate at all. We all know Dawson is just going to take this class again when he's an upperclassman and also that he's annoying so I don't think any teacher would really agree to this, but apparently Dawson just gets what he wants, so whatever.
Also, someone in the last post pointed out to me that Mel Silver is not actually the actor who played Mel Silver, but his identical twin brother. This blows my mind for several reasons, mostly that there are two identical Mel Silvers just walking around on the planet AND that both of them got semi-prominent roles in formative teen dramas. Well done, Mel Silvers. And thanks for the heads up, Jon!
Other things that happen in school:
- Jen agrees to replace Joey in the kissing scenes in Dawson's movie. This means Joey gets killed off, a plot twist that pleases Dawson because he's psychotic and because he feels that the audience will never see it coming, which is funny since it's clear that no one is ever going to watch this movie.
- Pacey stalks Tamara to discuss their illicit kiss on the docks at night. She denies it ever happened. Later, during his class with her, she uses a lesson about Wuthering Heights to not-so-subtly tell him that he has no shot with her. "Heathcliff and Catherine never belonged together," she says. Pacey is very annoyed. Or maybe turned on. Could go either way, judging from his face.
- Dawson makes his debut in Mel Silver's class, where Scott Foley (character name: Cliff) who is no joke at least 30 in this scene is discussing the movie that the class is filming to submit to the same film festival where Dawson is planning to screen his awful movie. The class' movie is apparently about "the big game" and heavily features Cliff, who happens to be the quarterback of the football team, and just in case that didn't make it clear to you that he is A Jock, he is also wearing his letter jacket in class, because of course he is. Dawson is extremely concerned (read: whiny) that the class is submitting their movie to "his" film festival and that he'll have to compete head to head with it, which is hopefully a nod to the fact that he knows how terrible his movie is. While he's discussing this with Pacey after class, QB Cliff starts hitting on Jen down the hall. She’s charmed, which is creepy since he’s obviously 15 years older than her. She says she’ll think about going out with him and then he watches her butt as she walks away.
The next day, Dawson comes downstairs from his room, holding Joey's fake head, to find his dad painting a model ship.
So far this guy's only contributions to the show are playing with toys and making out with his wife on top of the coffee table. Dawson asks his dad where the video camera is and his dad says it's in the bedroom and then encourages Dawson to take the tape out before he uses it. Man, Dawson might be a sociopath, but it's becoming pretty clear from whom he inherited his total lack of boundaries. Not taking this conversation as a major hint to get away from his dad, Dawson instead asks him for girl advice. Specifically, he wants help with kissing technique, which I'm pretty sure is not a thing you ever ask your parents about. In the middle of this ghastly conversation Joey climbs the ladder to Dawson's room, sees he's not there and wanders out to the upstairs landing, looking lost. I don't know why because I have to think if you are entering people's homes solely via a ladder and a second-story window, this probably happens a lot because personally I don't really spend much time in my room unless I'm going to sleep. Anyway, she goes out onto the landing and eavesdrops on this kissing-technique conversation in time to watch Dawson practice making out with her fake head and instead of being horrified because THIS IS HORRIFYING, she looks intrigued and kind of pleased. Dawson's dad encourages him to let his bottom lip "dance" with fake Joey's.
Real Joey drools.
This whole scene made me pretty uncomfortable, honestly.
While she's hanging out upstairs like a creeper, Joey hears Dawson's mom in the linen closet making kissy noises on the phone to co-anchor Bob, and when she comes out to find Joey eavesdropping, Joey tells her, "I know," and then walks away. No one seems concerned that this girl is just wandering around their home listening in on multiple conversations, probably because this total lack of respect for personal space is right at home in the Leary household, where people make out on coffee tables and then give their kid make-out tips.
This is followed by a long scene of them filming the movie and who cares, but after Joey is killed onscreen she goes to clean off the fake blood and there is this really awkward scene where Jen basically gives naked Joey a sponge bath while complimenting her body. It's never addressed that Joey is essentially nude in a screened-in porch where there is a clearly a guy (is it Dawson?) wandering around behind Jen.
As filming wraps for the day, Pacey tells Joey that he's heading to the dance to stalk Tamara. Dawson tells Jen that he rented a bunch of dance-themed movies in honor of the dance and invites her to watch them and Jen’s all, thanks but I’ve had my fill of the Spielberg torture chamber, I’m going to the actual dance with QB Cliff, but it's totally not a date, though. Dawson is super pissy because how dare she go out with someone else after they pretend-kissed in the last episode. He pouts as she goes into her house and as he watches her go he says, quietly and forlornly to himself, "Cliff." :(
Up in his room with Joey, Dawson is real pissed about Jen going to the dance with Cliff. Somehow his rant about this segues into what's happening on Jen's date with Cliff and it's basically him telling a long softcore porn story, which after the Joey/Jen sponge bath a few minutes ago is kind of a lot to deal with. Joey agrees and gives him this face
and then Dawson decides he’s going to the dance to stalk Jen. Since Pacey is also at the dance to stalk Tamara, it seems that giving teenage boys an opportunity to stalk is essentially why this dance exists. And for this mission, Dawson decides to wear this hideous vest.
Y'all, he looks like a reject from The Princess Bride.
Joey agrees to accompany Dawson to the dance and heads downstairs to wait for him, which is weird since she seems to only use the window to enter and exit the house. Maybe that rule doesn't apply when she is leaving the house with Dawson? Anyway she runs into his mom and gives her this big preachy speech about how cheating is wrong which is pretty much none of her business, and Dawson's mom - who is wearing terrible lipstick:
asks if Dawson knows that she's banging Bob, but Dawson pops up in his vest before Joey can answer. His mom looks all sad but I’m not sure if it’s because she feels guilty or she is just ashamed to have birthed a kid who would willingly wear that vest.
At the dance, Savage Garden is playing and kids are rocking out which means that we have been transported to mythical 1998, because while Savage Garden was popular back then, I don't think anyone ever really jammed out to it. There's also a table of punch and food which always happens on TV shows at dances, but none of my high-school dances ever had food or punch, probably because it would be easy to spike or roofie the punch and who has the insurance money to deal with that? Cliff isn't wearing his letter jacket so I feel compelled to remind you that he's a jock because you might forget without said jacket. He and Jen dance to Savage Garden. It is painful. It is so painful.
Pacey spends some time scamming on Tamara, asking her to dance. She says no. Dawson and his vest come in and see Cliff and Jen dancing. He looks really upset which means maybe he just, you know, watched them dance. Joey says their dancing could be construed as foreplay in some cultures, proving that she knows nothing about foreplay. Dawson asks Joey to dance, I guess so he can get out on the dance floor, and right when they start dancing the Savage Garden jam ends and a slow song comes on. Dawson and Joey have a Brief Moment where she looks at him all moony-eyed, and then they end up dancing right next to Jen and Cliff. They, of course, have a conversation about movies because that is all Dawson is interested in.
Pacey makes more eyes at Tamara. I tried to get a good screencap of this but it was boring so here is an MS Paint reenactment.
A fast song comes on and Dawson follows Jen into the hallway. She says she thought they could dance, but instead of taking her up on that Dawson just says a bunch of passive-aggressive things about Cliff. Jen gets mad and blows him off, so he goes and sits at a table with Joey and creepily stares at Jen from afar.
Joey’s hair is doing this.
While sitting there boring holes into Jen's skull with his eyes, Dawson talks about how he's DESTINED to be with her. Somehow this more disturbing than normal, I think probably because we now know that he has fake girl heads in his Spielberg torture chamber. To her credit, Joey straight up tells him that he's creeping her out. Dawson can't explain it any better except to say that Jen kind of challenges him the same way that Joey does, but better because she's hot and blond and not Joey. After hearing this, Joey ditches him. Dawson then cuts in on Cliff and Jen and says he's ready to take over for Cliff as Jen's date. Cliff is understandably confused and says that Dawson should leave because he's being weird, and it seems like Dawson should listen to him because he's a) right and b) 15 years older than Dawson MINIMUM, but before they can reach a resolution Jen is finally like, "Y'all are lame, I'm out." The guy in the background is stunned.
Dawson’s mom comes home from her date and makes out with her husband in the kitchen while soft 90's pop plays. Then they dance and she makes this face
so I guess she’s wishing she was saying "Back to you, Bob" or maybe she's still thinking about Dawson's vest.
Joey, Pacey and Dawson walk home together (Joey came back after she ditched him because she's co-dependent). Dawson blames both of them for his problems, and then to add insult to injury spends some more time narrating softcore porn ideas about what Jen and Cliff might be doing now. Pacey splits to walk home alone on the docks and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, TAMARA IS THERE WAITING FOR HIM. Seriously, could you pick a creepier/more dangerous place to have your statutory rendezvous? At least her purse is much smaller this time.
Tamara apologizes to Pacey for making out with him on the docks that other time. Pacey says he is hot for teacher and doesn't regret it at all, so she shouldn't either. She says okay but that it can't happen again, but she steps unnecessarily close to him to say it and then, as she's walking away, they make out again. In retrospect they are both wearing palm-tree patterns so I guess I should have seen this coming, but still, sigh, Shira Huntzberger. Make better life choices.
Joey and Dawson talk about various things including puberty, which is good because I had almost forgotten that they are going through puberty. They see Jen buying saltwater taffy from a cart because, you know, that's a thing that you do while walking home at night, and Dawson decides to go harass her some more. He's all, I just want to know what's going on between us. Jen asks if this is really a conversation they need to be having tonight, while she is just trying to enjoy some saltwater taffy while gazing at the water. Dawson says he's worried that he's getting friend-zoned and Jen asks if he can be both the guy that she likes and the guy that she talks to about other guys, which is pretty much the definition of getting friend-zoned. Then she sort of admits that she's kinda interested in him and he says, "YOU SHOULD KISS ME," and she gets all flustered and says she's afraid she can't handle it, probably because she has an inkling that once they kiss she is one step closer to ending up mummified in his closet. Instead, she asks him to dance while more gentle 90's pop starts to play. And just to bring the whole episode full-circle, Jen does some of her own softcore porn narration about how a kiss is only the "end result" of all this longing and frankly at this point Jen just seems like a big tease. It seems like she really doesn’t want to date him but she doesn’t know how to let him know, though I guess that kind of makes sense since he’s the sort of next-door neighbor who would kill you and bury you under Spielberg memorabilia, and no one would ever find your body.
The episode ends with Joey longingly watching them dance.
So far it seems that this entire show can be summed up as "Everyone Having A Gigantic Lack Of Boundaries." You've got Joey climbing in through the window and eavesdropping on people's conversations, Tamara making out with her 15-year-old English student, Dawson's mom having an affair with a coworker and basically admitting it to 15-year-old Joey, Dawson's entire existence. My favorite character so far is Mel Silver so I hope they don't kill him off. I don't really mind Jen too much either but I'm sure she's going to cave soon and let Dawson touch her and then I will instantly lose all respect for her. The respect ship has already sailed for Joey, since this episode made it pretty plain that she's into Dawson. Don't leave me, Mel Silver. Please.
